It Starts and Ends With Alison
by missjayelle
Summary: "Aria lies on her bed, carefully holding Alison's diary in her hands. 'Suzy was one of those people who had this daring need to be different, but deep down was just like everybody else – scared and alone.'" Aria confronts Alison about her diary. AU somewhere around 4x15. One-shot.


**A/N:** Just something I came up with the other night. AU somewhere around 4x15, but EzrA doesn't take the diary page.

* * *

Aria lies on her bed, carefully holding Alison's diary in her hands. Each girl had a turn with it so far, except for Aria. The diary itself was light, but from what Aria had read, it was filled with heavy secrets. Alison was so good at collecting secrets. Aria often wondered why Alison was so obsessed with people's private life. She stares intently at the page about her.

_Suzy is one of those people who has this daring need to be different, but deep down she's just like everybody else – scared and alone. Despite her freaky pink hair, I've always admired her impressive style. But her "individuality and self-expression" is just a cover up for the fact that she doesn't know anything. She's completely clueless.  
_  
Ignoring the disturbing bit about her father's affair, she continues reading.

_She thinks she's so precocious, but she's really just an innocent little girl. If only she knew exactly how strong she really is, maybe she wouldn't be so clueless._

Disgusted by the description of her, Aria closes the diary. She looks up to find Alison DiLaurentis, herself, standing in front of her. She can't say she's surprised to see her friend standing there given the events of the past week, but she is curious as to why she's waited this long to reveal herself.

"Are you mad?" Alison says, keeping her distance from Aria.

"This diary page... Suzy Clueless? Is that really what you think of me? That I'm innocent, naïve and clueless?"  
"I wrote a lot of stuff in that diary." Alison carefully walks around Aria's bedroom, lightly grazing her hands on all of Aria's belongings.  
"Ali, what did you mean that night when Meredith drugged me... when you said 'You know why I picked you?'" Alison smiles and approaches her old friend.  
"You're all special in your own way, but _you_... I always saw myself in you. Of all the girls, you were the most like me. Emily, Hanna and Spencer... They all worshipped me. But you _are _me. You were always so mature... So intent on proving that you were different from everyone else. Always trying to seem more superior, better than what you are." Alison chuckles. "You're exactly like me."  
"If we're the same... Doesn't that make you clueless, too?" Aria accuses. "Your individuality and self-expression are just a cover up for the fact that you don't know anything." Alison slowly grabs the diary and looks at the quote on the page with a smug expression on her face. Suddenly, she grows serious.  
"We _don't_ know anything, Aria." Alison says, handing the diary back to Aria. "I don't know everything, but you are so blinded by your emotions that you can't even see what's right in front of you."  
"What is right in front of me?" Aria demands. "Tell me!"  
"It's too dangerous for you. I shouldn't even be here." Alison says, anxiously. "I know I put you in danger. I'm sorry about that."  
"What is too dangerous?" Alison just shakes her head. "Why did you hurt us Alison? Why did you make us believe you were our friend and then just exploit us? Like we were disposable?"  
"I made mistakes. I thought I knew everything, but I was wrong. I don't know everything. But there is someone trying to hurt me – hurt us. And I don't know who." Aria shakes her head in disgust. "I see what you're thinking." Alison frowns. "I don't deserve this. I'm not proud of the way I treated people, Aria. I'm not a horrible person!" Alison defends. "But I was in trouble and I knew I could count on you four to help me."  
"I can't believe you did this to us- groomed us like we were your personal army just to fix your own stupid problems." Aria starts to leave, but Alison grabs her arm.  
"I'm so scared, Aria." She says with a helpless look on her face. "Please. You have to help me."  
"How, Alison? How do we help you? You won't tell us anything." Aria yells. "We've been looking for you for two years and we're still not any closer to finding out the truth."  
"The only thing keeping me safe right now is keeping you guys in the dark. The more I tell you, the more dangerous it gets for me. That's why I haven't come back. Because every time I lead you somewhere, they find me."  
"Then how do you expect us to help you?" Aria lets out a loud groan. "Alison! It's been two years of this. I don't know how much longer we can take this."  
"You have to get rid of 'A.' I can't do it alone. You have to help me. I might _die_!" Alison softens, quickly. "You're smart, Aria. You're so brave, but you're so blind." Alison sits down on Aria's bed so that the smaller girl is standing above her.  
"What does that even mean?" Aria throws her hands in the air. "You say that I'm smart and brave and loyal, but I'm also completely ignorant?"

"You're fierce, too. Just like me." Alison says. "I know you'll help me." She smiles, sadly. "I would help me." Aria opens back to the diary page. _  
_  
"_The best thing about Suzy is that she's loyal. I know she would do anything to protect me._" Aria reads aloud. _"She doesn't know it, but she's just like me. I would do anything to protect them. Even if it means hurting them."_

"Don't you want me to come home?" Alison pleads. "Everything can be like it used to be?" Aria realizes suddenly what Alison has done to her and she grows angry. She tears out the diary page of her and rips in half. "What are you doing?" Alison says, trying to grab her diary back. "Stop it!"  
"You're wrong, Alison." Aria snarls. "The only person you're trying to protect is yourself. You let us get hurt for two years while you hid in a corner, caring only about yourself. You watched as 'A' ran Hanna over with a car, threw Spencer off the bell tower, and ruined Emily's shoulder."  
"I tried to protect you! I ran away _for_ you, not because I didn't care about you!" Alison stands up. "I thought I could trust you to help me." Alison says in a low voice, lowering her head in the process.  
"You're the one who left us behind, Alison. The day you disappeared, you stopped being our friend. And you haven't been doing us any favors since you've been gone either."  
"Please!" She begs. "Think about what you're saying. I'm just trying to survive!" Alison cries. "I don't have anyone, but you."

"But you _don't _have us, Alison. You never did. The only purpose we served in your lives was to worship you so that once whatever trouble you were running from found you, you could throw it all back on us." Aria grabs her forehead in frustration. "We've been miserable because of you, Alison - caught up in the mess that _you_ created."  
"Don't be a victim." Alison points at her, angrily. "I taught you better than that."  
"You taught us to be ashamed of ourselves, Alison!" Aria counters. "Making Emily ashamed of her sexuality and Hanna ashamed of her body. You did that!"  
"I only did those things because I loved you."  
"You never loved anyone, Alison - not even yourself." Aria lets out a breath. "You're not a horrible person, but you're not a good person, either."  
"I knew I couldn't trust you." Alison tries to leave, but Aria slams her door in front of her.  
"You don't get to just leave again!" Aria guards her door and Alison pouts in front of her. "You're wrong about everything Alison. You're just as clueless as I am. You think that we're all just going to blindly follow your lead like we've always done, but you're wrong. We're better than that now."  
"What about 'A?'" Alison snarls. "You think they're just going to stop torturing you just because you don't want me anymore?"  
"Believe me, Alison. We're going to take care of 'A.' But not for your sake."  
"They'll kill me." Alison says. "Is that what you want? You think our friends are going to be happy that you ratted me out to 'A?'" Aria radiates anger and Alison quickly realizes what her friend has said. "You're willing to hurt me to finish this?" Alison asks, raising an eyebrow. "Willing to join the 'A' team to get rid of me?"  
"All is fair in love and war." Aria says, maliciously. "Now get out!" She opens her door and Alison quickly runs out. She picks up her phone, ready to dial Mona's number and ask to be on the A-Team. She knows they're probably watching her, right now. They probably know what she's thinking.  
_"I want in." _She'll say. _"I want to be on the A-Team. I want Alison gone." _  
But a voice in her head reminds her that if she does this, that she'll be going against her friends and she could never do that. Alison would be right – that they were exactly the same. She would do anything to protect her friends, even if it meant hurting them.

_Don't let Alison win._  
Aria takes a deep breath and puts her phone down. She sinks down and lays her head against the door frame. There was a better answer to all of this. She would find it, eventually. But for now, she would just have to endure A's torture until she and her friends ended this thing. _Together_.  
"You're right, Alison. I would do anything for my friends." She looks at the diary on her bed. "But I would never intentionally hurt them to get what I want." She stands up and grabs the diary, holding it firmly in her hands. "You may think that going against them to protect them is true bravery, true loyalty, but real bravery comes in standing together." She throws the diary as hard as she can against her door and it lands on a page near the end. Somehow she feels drawn to the book, feeling the need to read it, if at least for one last glance. It's just behind the one she ripped out.

_Hot For Teacher  
__I saw a teacher interviewing today with the principle. He was quite sexy. High school boys are gross, college guys are looking for one thing, but older men, now they know what they want and take it all. He looks kind of bookish, but in a cute way. I will get to know him eventually and to have a teacher on my side._

Aria suddenly realizes what she has been missing all along. Alison had told her the first time she visited her, but she had ignored her. Everything made sense now – why Aria had always been spared, why her relationship had never been outed, why 'A' always showed malice towards Jake and Noel. Aria knows exactly what this means for her, but she can't think about that right now. She can't be Suzy Clueless anymore. She has to protect her friends. She grabs her phone and runs down the stairs, immediately dialing her #1 speed dial.  
"Hel-" The familiar voice starts, but Aria quickly interrupts her.  
"Spencer, I'm coming over right now with Alison's diary. I know I know who 'A' is." Aria says breathlessly as she starts her car. "It's Ezra."


End file.
